Woodlife

Last month I visited the consultant who allowed me to take off the Aircast “… only if you’re not going to do anything stupid. “No, sir,” said I, imagining myself screaming around the woods shouting “I’m free!” He also added I shouldn’t lift anything heavy, nor should I walk long distances. If I were going to do any one of these things, the Aircast should go back on; “…and I’ll see you in 2 months.” Yes, sir.

He gave me a referral to the dreaded physiotherapy department or better named (at least in my day), the torture chamber!

Let me explain. Having been a Physical Training Instructor in a previous life, we were trained somewhat in the art of remedial gymnastics. This involved rehabilitating injured patients using exercises under the supervision of a physiotherapist. The line between trained remedial gymnasts and physios were so narrow that many of us went on to become fully fledged physios. Alas, I was not one of them.

Knowing what pain I inflicted on unknowing soldiers (all in good faith of course) I waited with trepidation for my name to be called. I was going to be seen by Hazel; no doubt a 7 foot tall Neanderthal, all-in-wrestler with a 5 o’clock shadow.

Hazel wasn’t 7 foot tall, nor was she a Neanderthal nor was she a an all-in-wrestler, nor did she have a 5 o’clock shadow. She was young and extremely pretty. “We’re going to stretch the achilles gently.” Gently? Surely there’s no such word in the physio-dictionary. I searched my brain for a word that was close enough to have been misunderstood. The nearest I could come up with was genitals; but surely that couldn’t have been it… could it? “After we’ve stretched the muscles and the tendon, we’ll strengthen up the whole ankle joint,” she said. Seems like a plan.

Garlic mustard

In fact Hazel offered the most sensible theory of causation I’d yet heard. The impact of the heel striking the ground was obviously the main cause; however two previous ankle injuries rupturing the lateral tendons of the foot quite a few years ago had not been properly repaired. This may have led to a weakening of the whole joint. To prove this I had to stand on one foot and close my eyes. Sure enough, when I tried to stand on my injured foot I lost my balance within 2 seconds.

It’s all to do with the proprioception sensors located in the joints and muscles. Try this test yourself. Try standing on one foot for about a minute. If you can do that, try it with your eyes closed. You may find you can stand on one foot longer than the other without losing your balance.

You can train your muscles if there is an imbalance in one foot. Just practice balancing on the other one (or take up Tai Chi). It will help you when stalking and improve your overall balance. The sensors allow the body to sense the position and movement of our limbs. The tiny muscles and tendons make minute movements to compensate for where it thinks the body should be to keep it balanced. In my case, the left side is out of kilter making the whole ankle joint unstable and more susceptible to injury. But it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.

To celebrate the fact that I was allowed to wear two shoes and that the physiotherapy sessions were going to be a “gentle” affair under the  skilled hands of Hazel (!) I went to Outfield woods where, on that fateful evening of October 31st 2008, I slipped down a slope and ended up with a ruptured achilles tendon.

If I was at all spiritual, I would have offered something to the woods spirits as an appeasement. Instead I sat in the ditch and had a cereal bar and a cup of coffee.

So ends this chapter of my life.

Pablo.